He Uses Us in Our Brokenness
In recently taking part of an online retreat by the @TheResetGirl, there was one phrase that repeatedly stuck out to me, "Broken Crayons Still Colour". While my mind kept coming back to this phrase, it was not until the night I wrote this post that the full impact of it hit me or rather in which way I was to share this phrase with my faith community. Even when crayons are in small pieces, they still colour. Even when you don't believe they work any more, they can be melted down with other pieces to be made into a new crayon again or even become a part of something new all together (i.e. Candle, wax seal on an envelope to go out). No matter what form they take, they are used to enhance and brighten the world around them.
Many times in our lives, we are just like the broken crayons - God can and does use us to enhance and brighten the world around us. Even when we feel like we are broken into thousands of pieces, God finds a way to use us in our brokenness to enhance and brighten the lives of those around us. He uses our brokenness to provide hope and faith to those struggling and in pain. God never once said that he would shield us from pain, torture, humiliation, or any other unfathomable action against us BUT He did say that He would always be there walking along side of us. He is with us in our darkest hours and He is there in our brightest of days (Ps. 23). While writing this post, I had some music playing on random shuffle. There is only one copy of each song in the list and yet, there is one song that played at least twice while writing this; "There was Jesus" by Zach Williams. In fact there were several songs in a row while on shuffle that all talked about being used in our brokenness or Him being by our side in our brokenness. I do not see this as a coincidence, but rather being called to share this message with all of you. I want to share with you a few lines from "There was Jesus" but would also encourage you to listen to song as well:
In the waiting, in the searching
In the healing and the hurting
Like a blessing
Buries in broken pieces
Every minute, every moment
Where I been and where I'm going
Even when I didn't know it
Or couldn't see it
There was Jesus
Throughout my life, I have honestly lived playing life safe. I have taken calculated risks and strived to exhibit myself as a perfectionist. I have been living an overachieving lifestyle. You know the kind, volunteers for everything, first in and last out at work, and constantly had so many things going on that I was juggling to balance them out. In doing this, I was living a life according to the "acceptable" level of risk/reward I was willing to take/receive. That is just it. Even thought I had "surrendered" to God and was willing to follow his will for me, I was still living my life on MY terms and NOT His. I was still deciding what I was willing to do and what I wasn't. In some regards, I guess I was still afraid of letting go of all comfort and trust that he will catch me, trust His plan and directions He has for me. I am guessing many of you reading this are the same. Humans alike are afraid of change, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of letting go to what we know and trust. Well as cliché as this sounds, growth really does happen outside of our comfort zone.
So what changed for me?
Well, a few months ago, I was involved in a car accident. An accident that literally had milliseconds between me being alive today to write this or being taken home to God. Mere milliseconds is not much time at all and for that I am truly grateful to be alive. Over the past several months, I have had my fair share of reflecting, spending time in His Word, prayer, and being in a complete state of REST. During this time, it has hit me hard that I was not following where I was being led, I was not listening and following His path for me, I was not taking time anymore to LISTEN.
So what now?
I SURRENDER. This is a very bold statement to make online, however, I am, choosing to fully surrender my life to Him. I know I am not perfect. I know I am broken. I know I was saved for a reason and I know he is working on me to melt all those broken pieces back together to form a whole new crayon again for Him to use. This is where The Divine Well comes in and is the why behind why behind starting this venture. The Divine Well is a multiphase Christian Resource and Retreat Centre and a project close to my heart. This resource is in no way a replacement for church but rather a supplement to the current community and a way to evangelize and call new disciples in. This multiphase adventure God is sending me out is not only exciting but it is a way for me to extend the fire for Christ that lives in my heart outward to the community and set His love ablaze. Phase 1 will generally be online resources such as workshops, bible studies, live online events and sessions. Phase 2 will be more physical in person sessions using host facilities and Phase 3 will be a physical shop, resource and retreat centre. While working to gradually roll this out, get the website set up, develop resources, I have been feeling stuck and blocked on creating content. I have not felt worthy or even capable of leading a community for Christians. I have been feeling like an imposter - who was I, the broken, to be leading people in their faith journey? Well, even tough I might be a broken crayon. God definitely has a plan to keep using me. So.. You see... YES! I SURRENDER fully and completely. I know the journey will not be easy but I know He undoubtedly is with me 100%. He that provides me strength when I don't feel I have any left. I know from Ps 23 that even in my darkest valley, He will be there walking with me.
Call to Action
My challenge to you - What is the source of your brokenness? What are your weaknesses? PRAY. STOP. REFLECT. LISTEN. Is there something He is calling you to do with your brokenness? Is there a lesson or a message to be shared? Where is God looking to still colour with your brokenness? Even if you are called to share it with one person, it is that person that truly needs to hear it right now. Be not ashamed of your brokenness or weakness, embrace it to enhance and brighten the world around you.